Posted by: Tinsley | June 21, 2007

Two More Days

The weekend cannot come soon enough. If the wireless being out were a game of sorts, I would certainly be a sore loser. I don’t have a lot of staples in life. For most, that would consist of food, shelter, and water. Take one of those out of the mix to be replaced with internet, and then you’ve got me (should you choose to take away food can you at least leave behind a bag of double stuffed oreos? Thanks.)

I can assure the world that I will be pacing near the front door on Saturday drooling until Cox is on the other side knocking. The technician might as well put on a big red suit, black boots, and a white beard because I will be leaving a plate cookies and a glass of milk to express my gratitude.

I must say while I am standing in this circle and naked with my thoughts; I hereby declare that if my ass gets any larger I am burning my clothes and buying a wig. Wait… does that mean no double stuffed oreos? Whatever. Ever since the whole nightmare of being injected with massive doses of steroids, I have been slightly larger. Okay, that’s crap. I’ve been just straight out grande like a damn order of nachos at the Taco Bell. I’ve concluded if I had pretty hair that I didn’t have to straighten all the time and could put in all sorts of twists and braids, then I wouldn’t notice said grande objects. It is in the very least a distraction. I shall have big hair thus minimizing my awareness of grande ass. Please however, do not mess with the increased bust size.

On the plus side, it seems I have temporarily forgotten about the leg humpers. Well, all but JP at least. I haven’t really talked to him much because I just can’t seem to find the words. I worry sick about him, but he’s an alcoholic and isn’t going to change until 1) He’s ready to and 2) He hits rock bottom. It breaks my heart, but that is the cold hard truth of it all. In the meanwhile I can only hope we have some good times before I lose him completely and end up resenting him. For my sake, I am going to continue to keep myself on a schedule, meet new people, and just simply live. I spent the better part of my life worrying myself sick about this and that, and now – now I just want to for once enjoy my life and kick my feet up. Is that so wrong?

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Posted by: Tinsley | June 15, 2007

Detoxing

***The following was written yesterday night. I am currently posting from a parking lot outside a coffee shop because our wireless is out. Should be back within a week***

Thursday June 14, 2007

The last couple of days have both completely sucked and totally rocked. The good will be put on display first. I am working. Hallelujah! It is such a sweet relief. At last, the one key element to my survival in life as I now know it has arrived. Amen! According to my calculations, things shall soon begin to resolve themselves in the financial department. It has been ages since I didn’t have to sweat the not-so-small stuff, and I look forward to it like a child opening presents on Christmas morning.

Now for the dirty. I cannot be certain if I have an invisible stamp on my face that men are solely capable of seeing, but if so it apparently says “Please try to hump my leg!” In the course of one night, three different men tried to hop in bed with me. Yes, three. And in less than three hours might I add. This is anything but kosher for me. Well, sort of. The first leg humper actually led me into my bedroom. That was at least semi-polite. I was not in that sort of mood though so after JP’s failed attempt, I went about my night. About an hour later I returned home. I was sitting around kicking it with Julio and T came home. They are friends so I decided that it was an acceptable point in the night for me to go to sleep. Shortly after, Julio tried sneaking into my room and crawling in my bed. He’s nice, funny and all, but no f-ing way! I politely sent him on his way and continued my quest for sleep. Not twenty minutes later, T comes and crawls into bed with me. Him and I are tight like roomies should be, so it was no big deal at first. Then a moment later I felt something ‘come up’ I said our snuggle session was so over. If anyone has any ideas how to get the yuckiness out of my head that was brought on by my ‘visitors’ please do tell. I am desperate. Sure me and JP may swing like that, but I’ve never been one to partake in woopy like activities with multiple people. Ewww ewww ewwwwww!

Next up, the B.S. My apartment community won over part of my approval because it offers free wireless in all of the units. My kind of place. Somewhere between the last five storms in the last few days complete with power outages, the wireless went capoooot! I have not been able to access my treasured wireless since Tuesday which for me is a fate worse than death. Luckily my job offer presented itself at the right time to keep me from going completely insane during the day, however it feels like an entire life has escaped my reach. Goddess knows when this issue will be resolved, and I can only hope I find an internet café somewhere between my writing this and being able to actually post it. To prevent future near death experiences like this in the future, I was quick to call Cox and tell them to sent their boys in tight pants over. A.S.A.P. It would’ve been done nearly instantly, however now that I am no long home during the day I have to wait over a week for one of the Saturday appointments! Good god people my corpse could be rotting my then! This is the worst torture I have ever been subjected to. Please send over some cheese (preferably brie) to accompany my whine.

Seeing this is becoming quite long, I shall hang my hat up for the night. I pray that I find a temporary sanctuary this weekend so that I may catch up on all of my reading, emails, and other online mischief. You may now return to your regular program viewing. That is all.

Update: My new job as a recruiter is going well. Especially since it is Friday and I got to leave the office early for having all my work done 😉 Am going through internet withdraw and may die any minute now.

Posted by: Tinsley | June 12, 2007

The ‘Non-Relationship’ Relationship

Have you ever told yourself you aren’t going to do something for your own good, but then did it anyways? You can have a world of good intentions and boundaries set, but after some time passes they crumble before your eyes. Yup, that’s me.

While I certainly didn’t do anything bad, what I did do is create a cloud of confusion for myself. You all know the story with JP. My friend from high school who is more than a friend, but not a boyfriend. Between his issues he’s dealing with and my trying to make a life for myself here, being in a relationship just isn’t realistic. I was fine with that because I’m trying to focus on me right now, and I pray that he will soon get back on track.

Well things were taken to the next level last night, the level we were not going to go on to. I have no regrets about it. It had been building up for months now and it happening was inevitable. Nobody was drunk, and in all honesty it was everything I thought it would be. So why I’m I stressing?

There’s something I actually can answer. Things are already tricky with me and JP. There’s emotions there on both ends wrapped up in each other. While he’s going through all this crap I was trying really hard to just be a friend to him. Now it’s going to be hard for me to turn off the other half of those feelings.

So basically, by trying to not be in a relationship, it’s almost as though we are. Let’s just say we have a ‘non-relationship’. Anyone else ever been in this situation? I don’t know how things are going to go now that we crossed a whole new bridge, but I’m not sorry it happened. What I do know is that all I want is for JP to get back on track so he can get his life together once and for all. I must care about him a lot more than I’m ready to admit if I’m more concerned about his well being than the possibility of getting hurt. Damn that sucks.

Posted by: Tinsley | June 10, 2007

Tssssk

I’ve been thinking about trying out the 365 day challenge. It’s not as though I don’t constantly have a million thoughts at any given time floating around in my mind, so why not write them down? I know a couple of others who are in the process of posting every day for a year, LC and Laurie. They practically make it look easy! What are your thoughts on posting every day for a year?

Also, I forgot to tell you kiddies that I upgraded to a Flickr Pro account finally! I feel like a very special girl now because I can have unlimited photos, sets, you name it! I’m so lovin’ it! I have been blog hunting lately as I need some new reads to include in my daily reading. I love the regulars I already have, but I need more! If you have a suggestions, there is a chance I haven’t ever read it and would love to hear your current reads.

So what’s everyone doing this summer? Traveling? Crossing off titles on a well compiled book list? Saving up for an iPhone? I wanna know!

Posted by: Tinsley | June 9, 2007

Motivation

Movitavator

Just having some fun with my photos. What’ca think?

Posted by: Tinsley | June 7, 2007

Slow & Steady

Can you believe that crap with Par.is Hil.ton? Seriously, she goes to jail and won’t eat, so she gets released on house arrest because of a mystery medical condition? Give me a break! So much for no special treatment for celebrities. Moving right along.

It was horribly hot yesterday. In the 90s to be exact. I’m not quite ready for that heat yet, but I suppose it’s better than bitter cold. I took it easy last night as I have an interview this afternoon and wanted to be fresh. I need more than anything for it to go well because I must start working again before I lose my mind. I am also in dyer need of some dinero as well.

I made a trip to my beloved Barnes & Noble the other day. I get a few reads including Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster, the sure to be hilarious sequel to Bitter is the New Black. It’s basically a memoir of sorts, but this girl can make me laugh out loud every few pages. If you like chick lit type novels I recommend checking out those reads.

Things with my dear friend JP haven’t improved. He is just in this downward spiral that I am terrified he may never get out of. He lost his job the other day for showing up late, so is back to square one. On the plus side he’s been working at DB’s (bar down the street) covering for my roomie T who wants to cut back on his shifts there. Still, he is just not well. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do, or if he’s too far gone. He wants me to help him, and I want to, but I’m not sure how I can other than driving his ass to rehab. Maybe my prayers will be soon heard.

After T got home last night we headed out for a late dinner at the Olive Garden.  It wasn’t fabulous, but filling to say the least. I was surprised by how small the one here is compared to the others I’ve been to. Afterwards T and I headed over to KT’s to hangout and catchup on some programs on TiVo. I finally saw the Grey’s Anatomy finale and loved it. Everything is totally up in the air now, so who knows what in the world to expect. Tonight I’m hoping to have something to celebrate (namely a job) so I am penciling in the Macaroni Grill for my delight. My interview is suppose to take 1 – 1 1/2 hrs. so I better get something accomplished.

I am off now to finish preping for my interview, so you kiddies have a lovely day!

Love,
Tinsley

Posted by: Tinsley | June 2, 2007

Life’s Perfect Cocktail

I can’t possibly express how long it took me to get here. By ‘here’, I mean a night in alone with my thoughts. This is the first night I have stayed in since arriving to my new home. I’m not complaining by any means, but merely exhaling.

I have had a blast this past week having finally gotten settled. Most of my time has been spent with JP recently. On occasion C (my most favorite gay man I’ve ever known) has joined us as well. I can safely say I am in sync with the Tulsa scene. I’ve been here and there, and a few places in between.

I am now pursuing operation job hunt full throttle. Nothing too great has come up just yet, but something will because it has to. In the meanwhile, I am learning the curves of Tulsa’s body and the people here.

When it comes to the people, I have to admit I am both pleased and confused. I have had my share of admirers in this short time. I can’t be sure what is up with recent days and JP. When I first arrived, I kept my distance to an extent so he didn’t feel like an overwhelmed tour guide. I guess that’s just me.

Apparently I am not the only one who has noticed the difference in us this past week. Friends at regular hangouts have been asking T, my roomie, if JP and I are together. We aren’t really. I’ve made a point to not get caught up in something that requires some caution.

At the same time though I can see what everybody else is whispering about. We hold hands here and there, sneak in a kiss now and then, and have regular sleepovers. To most women I would say “be careful. You aren’t together so he can only be interested in one thing.” Not the case here. While our sleepovers include plenty of ‘fun’, we don’t sleep together in the other sense. We’ve discussed it a hundred times concluding we want nothing to happen out of carelessness, and as he put, not “ruining what we have.” I would elaborate on that, but I’m afraid I can’t. The only thing I’m trying to define at the moment is myself, not any relationships I may or may not have. I’m handing the reigns over to the relationship gods on this one, and just letting it unfold day by day.

Walking through the door to the next room, everything else is kosher. I’m still loving it here and am pleased with my living situation. My roomie T is awesome. He’s the perfect mix of responsible and fun. He takes care of business and goofs off when he can. I also have him to thank for my first female friend here, KT. She’s a year older than me, and a lot of fun. She is divorced with two adorable twin boys whom I love. Now if I can just get some work lined up everything will be more than I could ever ask for. While I’ve confessed to being confused, it hasn’t impacted my happiness in the least. I feel as though I am for once, right where I should be. Whether I am here to make new bonds, help a friend from high school get back on track, or to fall flat on my bum, I am simply happy to be here. Adventure is in the air, and I’m glad you are along for the ride.

Love,

Tinsley

Posted by: Tinsley | May 27, 2007

Monkeying Around



Monkeying Around

Originally uploaded by Love, Me.

Yes, that is a monkey on my shoulder. Her name is April. Isn’t she cute?!

Posted by: Tinsley | May 25, 2007

Podcast Anyone?

Check it!

Posted by: Tinsley | May 19, 2007

Party of One

I’m beginning to wonder if there is really an end to unpacking. I am so tired of the never ending pile of boxes that line the walls of the apartment. Soon my friends, soon.

I had an enjoyable evening out last night. Since all of my friends were working I traveled solo. I needed a sushi fix so I headed over to Tsunami coasting past the waiting crowd to my table for one. I can honestly say I have never gone out to eat myself, so it was interesting to say the least. I dined on a house salad followed by the Philly and Shitaki sushi rolls. Good stuff, kids! I’m already craving it again.

After stuffing myself with sushi and several refills of Mountain Dew, I headed down the Riverwalk to catch the end of a concert playing at the amphitheater  . I was pleased to find Dan Crossland was on the stage. I saw him when I was visiting before moving down here and enjoyed his show. Since I only caught the end of it I think I’m going to have to head back over tonight for the full concert version.

Upon the show’s conclusion I headed back to to my vehicle to find some more fun. By this point it was after ten o’clock so most people would be at the bars. Feeling as though I’ve had an OD on bars recently, I headed to the nearby casino in hopes of catching some more live music. I didn’t have much luck in the music department, but that didn’t stop me from filling up on even more soda and leaving ahead. I actually have visited with a couple of employees of the casino and picked up an application for employment. There’s something cheery about listing to the slots and player’s reactions. I shall return my application on Monday, so wish me luck!

So what’s on the menu for today? More unpacking naturally. I’m not going to do a whole lot of that because my back is kicking my butt right now, but enough to feel that I’ve been productive. Maybe tonight I will get some pics of my new hangouts to share with everyone. Things will get back to normal around here soon. Write that down, you’ll forget 😉

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